Tradgirl Climbing FAQ - Locations and Partners

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Locations and Partners (Page 1 2)

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Trusting your life to something you read on the internet is just plain stupid. Get corroboration from a more reliable source, use your common sense, don't get yourself killed, and don't come crying to us if you do.

Where can I find a climbing partner?
How do I find/keep a mentor?
Should I date/marry a non-climber?
How do I get my non-climbing SO to start climbing?
Should I date my climbing partner? / Should I climb with my significant other?
How do I talk about climbing in a foreign language?
What happened to Rock 'N Road?
Where can a 5.8 climber go on a road trip?
What will the weather be like at [place] on [date]?
Is there a climbing gym in my area?
I'm going to Hawaii. Is there any climbing there?
I'm going to [place]. Is there any climbing there?
Should I rap or walk-off from Royal Arches? / How do I do the North Dome Gully (NDG) descent?
Where's the best place for a climber to go to college?
See also: I'm going to [place]. What can I toprope there?

Where can I find a climbing partner? [back to top] [FAQ contents]

All of the below are free to use:

Crag X's Climbing Register (worldwide)
UKClimbing.com Lifs and Partners Forum (United Kingdom)
Climbing Central Partners/Rides (Midwest US)
ClimbNH (New Hampshire)
Southeast Climber's Registry (Southeast US)
Craggers (Southeast US)
RockJock.com Climbing Profiles (Northwest US)
Gunks.com Partner Listing (Gunks, NY)
ClimbNYC.com partner and ride board (New York City)
ClimbingBoulder.com (Boulder, Colorado)
ClimbingMoab.com (Moab, Utah)
ClimbingSaltLake.com (Salt Lake City, Utah)
ClimbingDevilsLake.com (Wisconsin)

If you post to rec.climbing looking for a partner, be sure to include important information like: when, where, what and how hard.

Should I date/marry a non-climber? [back to top] [FAQ contents]

From: RG on gunks.com

1. People who are really passionate about something are only good partners for people who have the same passion, and the relationship will be seriously challenged if one partner's committment to the activity cools. This has nothing to do with climbing or even with athletics.

2. On the other hand, relationships that are based on a single activity or pursuit are always precarious. What happens if circumstances render that pursuit unavailable? The real issue is not whether you and your partner share a passion for climbing, but what you share outside of climbing.

From: Amanda Tarr

Even being passionate about being outdoors, hiking or what not, may be very difficult for the SO to understand, if they have no passion of their own.

From: Tony Bubb

There are climbers and people who climb. I am a climber. Climbing is not something I do, it is what I do. Climbing isn't something I love to do, it is THE THING I love. I've seen a few would-be girlfriends go by the wayside for that. Few can understand my level of involvement with climbing, and a few people I've dated have found out that putting me between a rock and a hard-on (Ah-hem...) is a bad idea. The woman goes and the climbing stays, 100%, every time so far. I don't bother dating people that aren't into it.

From: Blyslv

Life is long and people change. My brother said something similar ... skiing and a deadhead. Well the haven't seen a show in a long while (the fat man is still dead) and they haven't skiied either. They play bridge (!) something neither of them did before marriage.

What a person does is important, but it is not the person.

From: Lyle McNeal

One thing you have to remember is that for a relationship to work the 2 people don't have to be with each other all the time. It is a good thing that there are common interest, but it is better if all your interest are not in common. Eventually the two of you will want to spend some time apart to appreciate your time together more.

From: Steve LaSala

First, decide what you want out of this relationship. If you want a climbing/party/bed partner, by all means dump this one (nicely) and find another. But don't be surprised if the same thing happens to you down the road. (Live by the sword...)

If, on the other hand, you are going for the LTR (someone to make a life with), I would look for the following three areas of compatibility, in order:

1) values - Deep values; right and wrong, children or not, level of emotional connectedness, style of argument, ratio of together/private time, depth of career orientation. Not just "I like to do XYZ."

2) aesthetics - what is beautiful/good in mind, body, food, music, ideas, clothing, dwelling, landscape. It's hard to be happy when the details of your daily environment are repugnant to you.

3) activities - Some overlap in shared activities guards against the drifting apart that occurs when you spend too much time apart thinking about different things. You don't have to spend all your time together, but you should genuinely enjoy doing *something* together.

Granted, it's not easy to evaluate all this upon first meeting someone, but you at least need to start with a clear idea of what you want, lest you slip unthinkingly into copying your parents, some mass-media image, or your equally clueless peers. Over time, people will acculturate to each other if the basic compatibility is there. A relationship is a work continually in progress, not a state of being.

From: Rick Hanks

My obsession with climbing and the related travel to areas outside my home crag ultimately led to the demise of a 10 year marriage. That's not to say that there wasn't other contributing factors, but the bottom line was she got left alone a lot by her choice. She, too, initially expressed joy at seeing the pictures, hearing the stories, and viewing videotape, but she eventually became resentful of the time I was away, whether I invited her to come or not, and ultimately ended up blaming me for all that was wrong with her and our marriage.

I'm not going to give you any advice regarding what to do in your circumstances because I'm not walking in your moccasyms, BUT, I will say this: Evaluate where climbing and your girlfriend(s) rate in your quality world relative to each other and base your decision accordingly.

From: Alan

You have to find a solution that works. It isn't always obvious. My wife had been hinting that I was recreating my self a bit more than she was comfortable with. This includes biking after work about twice a month and climbing once or twice a week.

After discussing it, she realized that the problem wasn't the frequency, the abandonment, or the undone chores, I saw those coming and was considerate. The real issue turned out to be as simple as competition. She wants me to invite her to as much stuff as I invite my friends to. That's it! No problem.

This is not to tell you guys what to do, it just supports the theory that relationships are complicated and you can waste a lot of energy trying to out guess them.

From: Jeremy Pulcifer

Married to a non-climber myself, and can attest that balance is the key. If you put your recreation ahead of your family, the family will suffer. Shared vacations and alternate activities lessen the impact

From: Dingus Milktoast

You don't want your spouse saying, "What, you're going climbing AGAIN?" You want her saying, "You need to go climbing babe. How about I take the kids on Saturday and you take them on Sunday." To achieve this you must carefully pick your times to behave like an asshole (about 3 days before departure) and times to be an angel (1 day before departure and certainly a day or 2 after you get back). Women are into cycles. Establish yours now. Advertise your PCS (pre-climbing syndrome). Make the cure well known.

Establish your domain right now. Protect it like a hungry dog with a marrow-filled bone, growl menacingly whenever someone tries to erode your freedom. Talk frequently and to anyone who'll listen how you were born to be a climber and by not climbing you are not truly living. Treat it like a birthright.

From: Larry White

Well I was married before I started climbing and my wife has not taken up the sport. In general I find that I always had time for climbing and time to spend with her (cycling, hiking, skiing and all that stuff), then we had kids. Now I find that I do not give myself a lot of time for climbing because it takes time away from the family. Of course last night we got in 2 great outdoor routes in Eugene before heading to the gym.

My summary, you can get married with a minimal impact to your activities, but having childeren WILL change everything.

From: Ellen Sentovich

DON'T settle for a non-climbing or non-climbing-sympathetic SO if climbing is really very, very important to you. And if you do, don't complain to the rest of us.

Contrary to what I often hear from the guys, there are lots of women who love to climb, climb often, and climb for themselves. They perhaps aren't as visible at the crags because they aren't loudly complaining to their boyfriends or sniveling on the way up a route. And they often like to climb together, just the girls.

How do I get my non-climbing SO to start climbing? [back to top] [FAQ contents]

From: Jon Christian Rost

Climbing is too painful, tiring, time-consuming, and pointless to do if you're really not interested. But hey, you two are just dating, you're not siamese twins. Do you really want to do EVERYTHING together? If you have to give up climbing time to engage in activities that you both value equally, well, that's part of a relationship, and how a relationship grows. If the relationship isn't worth it, then you know what to do.

From: Carolyn McHale

I'm a girl who got an ex boyfriend into climbing--it was something I always wanted to do and I think my enthusiasm rubbed off on him, we started climbing together. My last boyfriend however was a different story--he had zero interest in ever climbing or seeing me climb, but was happy to listen to me blab about what I did (or tried to do...), so that was the extent that we shared the climbing experience.

I finally stopped asking him to try climbing because he was simply not interested. You have to respect that there are things you are interested in and your girlfriend is not. Fortunately I met a great group of people who I went out of town with on weekends while my boyfriend got stuck missing me--and it was all cool because he had his interests that I wasn't into (golf) giving us freedom to do our own things.

You may want to find out why she doesn't want to climb. You said she was interested enough to go to the rocks with you (but I'm not clear as to whether she actually climbed?), so she must have some interest. Maybe if just the two of you went somewhere easy and pretty you could get her into it?

Whatever you do, don't push climbing on her, if she's hungry, she'll eat. I suggest finding other people to climb with and it should be okay as long as she doesn't have a problem with you doing your own thing (and if she does...well, that's a different story).

ps Now I date someone who climbs--problem solved!

From: Jason Daniels

In my case I started climbing b/c my then girlfriend climbed...I couldn't possibly allow her to be better @ something athletic than me so I climbed hard and ultimately fell in love w/ it for the right reasons...this is a case where my insecurity motivated me. What I have seen many times, though, is guys who try to force climbing on their SO's and their SO's rebel against it defensively. My current girlfriend knows how much I love climbing but also knows that I would never force my love of it on her. I believe it is this relaxed approach and understanding that has allowed her to want to check it out w/ out any pressure from me.

The Bottom line, I think, is this: we all have things we look for in a women some are Negotiable (ie she likes conuntry, I like r&b), some are non Negotiable (ie she can't be a racist), and then theirs Fantasy.....(ie I want my SO to be a race car driven, MountainBiking, techincal mountaineering, backpaking, rugged outdoors woman)...What we all have to decide is how much of our fantisy is negotiable.

And Again....try not to push....it tends only to make things worse.

From: Claudia

Well its already been said: don't push. But you might also ask her about signing her up for a fun class where she can learn about it in a systematic manner wihtout any pressure to perform in front of you. Classes are genrally set up to be fun and to minimize some of the fear. It can also be helpful to understand what she's doing before hitting the crag. That's what works for me.

From: Steve LaSala

It's generally a bad idea to press people to do things they really don't want to do. Ask them to try something two or three times to test the waters. Often an emotionally neutral third party as instructor works best. But be prepared to accept "no" for an answer. Like me, a lot of men (and some women) who were not brought up with good practice in human relations, have trouble initially wrapping our minds around the idea that our partners are still *other people*, with their own likes, dislikes, opinions, desires, needs, and complete existence independent of any relationship to us. That realization was a big step forward. ;-)

From: Mattie Thompson

What if she wonders how to get you to become involved in modern dance (which would probably be good for your climbing, too)? I ** VERY MUCH ** understand your desire to share something that is of great importance to you -- as climbing seems to be -- with your partner. But the experience and significance of it might be very different for HER.

From: Kevin

I've always cautioned friends about getting their mates into the sport. Unless your significant other turns out to climb circles around you, they will inevitably hold back your progress. I enjoy climbing with my girlfriend, but I know I'd be a hell of a lot stronger if I climbed with people who push my limits. Still, it's fun to watch her progress. A vicarious victory I guess.

From: Ben Boykin

Both of my wives climbed with me to be with me. I frequently lost perspective, which is why they didn't keep climbing with me...

From: Mike Garrison

Not to mention that climbing is dangerous. What better way to show your love than to drag someone into a life-threatening situation?

If the SO *wants* to try climbing, great! But otherwise, find some safe and gentle hobby to share.

Another word of caution: climbing partnerships and romantic partnerships can coincide, but at least as often they don't. Sometimes it is better to encourage your SO to climb with someone other than you. (That's a delicate thing to try, though. "Honey, I love you, but you are just too slow on the rock to climb with me. Besides, you can't figure out how to clean my tricams. What's that? Bite you? Well if that's the way you feel about it....")

From: Vicki Portman

Oh for God's sake! Climb without her. "Let there be spaces in your togetherness". I'm sure she has things she would love to be doing while you're out climbing - just cos you're going out together doesn't mean you have to act like you're joined at the hip, you know! (well....not all the time!) If you spend all your time together you'll have nothing to talk about (you'll know it all already) and you'll get bored with each other and split up. If you force her to do something she'll resent you for it, and you'll split up. If you lay off, and let her do her own thing, you'll possibly find that her interest in climbing grows as an organic thing over time..... and then again, you'll possibly not. But while it may be the similarities between two people that get a relationship started, it's the differences that keep it interesting.

Should I date my climbing partner? / Should I climb with my significant other? [back to top] [FAQ contents]

From: Sue Hopkins

Reasons not to climb with your Significant other:

1) alpine starts: aka the ass-bed extraction issue...the alarm goes off at the butt crack of dawn..one of you rolls over and looks at the other and mews "what were we thinking?" The other hits the off button..you wake up at 10 am. after all, you are not getting you partner out of bed in order to stand them up..you are both right there in that nice warm bed.....and you're staying there.

2) waffle harmonics: aka chip and dale "after you I absolutely insist" dynmamics or idunno what do YOU want to do? one of you is feeling wussy. With a normal climbing partner you would just suck it up. With your SO you cleverly waffle out of a particular route. Then the SO waffles out of your proposed alternative..you waffle together then apart then together..you spend all day on three pitches mostly at the bottom looking up at it going "idunno what do you want to do.."

3) propagation of mews. aka here kitty, kitty here's some warm milk. see # 2 above (closely related). Not confined to SO climbing partners but more common in this senario. one of you is feeling wussy. One of you mews,its contagious. Both of you mew, you mew a lot together. you decide it is time to go drink beer..its only 10 am. beware this is a VERY contagious disease... whole crags have been affected.

reasons to climb with your S.O.

1). you don't have to choose between climbing and sex.

2). warm bed while camping @ the crag

3). if the weather is bad you have something to do.

4). you never have to feel guilty about abandoning your S.O. to go climbing

From: Quang-Tuan Luong

One of the significant reasons my ex-girlfriend and I started dating was that we were both relatively serious climbers when we met. She was a competent leader and was willing to try different things. You might have seen pictures of her on a few big walls from my Web pages. Then, partly because of me, she quitted climbing after our retreat from our second attempt on Mescalito. I am still wondering a bit if the incompatibility was really strong, or if the fact to have picked Zodiac instead would have allowed us to stay together. Anyway, the deep problem was that I was not a good partner for her. I was not fun enough. Instead I have a drive for achievement which matched too much with her competitive side and did not help her finding peace with her own self-esteem issues. So climbing actually hurt our relationship while she was a climber.

From: WildBill

Should you date your partner (or climb with your SO??)? I find that if either of these relationships are healthy, you may be able to build the other one. I wouldn't recommend climbing with your SO if you have a troubled relationship, just as I wouldn't recommend dating someone you couldn't stand to climb with.

From: John Tupper

Balance is very important in a relationship. Even if you are perfectly matched climbing partners, it would still be a good thing to climb with other people.

From: Kevin Kachadourian

At its core, climbing is an aesthetic experience for me. Being with the right partner, friend or lover, can add immensely to it. Thinking back over lovers as climbing partners, when we were climbing together, it was the same as with a friend - we were sharing the experience of climbing. Later, after a day of climbing,... It might not be the same with future relationships, but the climbing relationship and the dating/love relationship were pretty seperate; lecherous thoughts were snuck into those moments I wasn't focused on climbing, hers or mine.

From: dsquare

Climbing with significant others: doom or delight?

Having just been dumped by the woman who taught me to climb in the first place I have to say doom.

When it was good it was great - nothing like being with the person who makes your world go 'round when you're out there at your limits on a climb and I've never climbed better than with her - something about trust and faith and encouragement...

but as its fallen apart I've lost both the woman I love and my favorite climbing partner.

would I do it again? In a minute.

From: Jean

As for what to do -- date a climber or not, I vote date a climber! :) But I vote this because I have no life. All of my spare time is spent climbing, thinking about climbing, thinking about sex, or planning a trip around climbing. That's roughly a 1:4 ratio for sex: not enough to keep a non-climber interested, and certainly not enough to keep me interested in teaching him to climb when he really doesn't want to.

From: Erik E.

Recently I've only dated climbers(guess that has had something to do with my social circles), it something I love to do, and I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't share the same feelings. You tend to find out a lot about your climbing partners, and whether or not you get along, pretty quickly while climbing. What better way to test your relationship than by climbing together? If you can't handle the stresses of climbing together (pretty insignificant really) then how can you expect to survive a long term relationship with much greater potential for conflict (ie. marriage, kids, living together etc.)?

I don't always climb with my girlfriend, the same as she is not the only person I spend time with. But I have a great time when we do climb together.

Why shouldn't two things you love go together??

From: Mark

Can climbers have their cake and eat it too????

Yes, but I think it's a rare thing. My fiance climbs 5.12d, has been climbing longer than I have, and she is every bit as passionate about the sport as I am. There's never been a weekend when only one of us wanted to climb, and we rarely disagree on where we want to go.

I consider myself lucky. Women climbers are still quite a minority, and if you don't count the "climbing girlfriend" types, they are even rarer. That does appear to be changing, though. On the flipside, an attractive female climber will have no lack of male climbers to choose from, from what I've seen.

From: Evan Bigall

Personally I've given up on finding someone who meets all my SO requirements *and* all my climbing partner requirements, its just too hard...

From: Carol Adair

Although I had interest in climbing and was trying to find someone sufficiently addicted to take me out (OFTEN), I was, rather predictably and very clichedly (it IS a word, damn it), essentially introduced to climbing by a boyfriend. Although he was very patient and a good teacher, he wasn't the best partner as he took too much responsibility for me and got really nervous about having me lead (especially trad). So, I had another teach me the trad/leading skills I wanted (enter Lord Slime).

I've had a number of confusing interludes with climbing partners. I find the intimacy of climbing together is easy to confuse with romantic intimacy (especially for guys). I've lost at least one amazing friend & partner this way.

From: Mark Scott-Nash

Let's say you are a woman climber who wants *climbing* partners because that is *what* you do (even if you are just a beginner). If a guy is putting the moves on you because he thinks its an easy way to meet women, then he is being an asshole. Period. He obviously has no respect for the woman who wants to *climb*, which is probably the only reason these two people are together in the first place.

Not to say that these two wonderful people can't get together and date or do whatever else they think of. But save it for when you AREN'T climbing, then there is no question. Most people who meet through bboards or climbing instruction situations want to go *climbing*. If you REALLY like a person that much, then respect what they like and if the feeling is mutual, it will happen. Otherwise, let it go.

The bottom line is respect for others. If a male or female wants to teach or find a climbing partner of the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter), they should expect to *climb*, not get a date.

How do I talk about climbing in a foreign language? [back to top] [FAQ contents]

Translations available on Tradgirl

English to Spanish by Marcos Rubio
English to Mexican Spanish by Artemio Mora
English to French by Jeff Lea and Laurent Martelli
English to Canadian French by Marc-André Giasson
English to German by Roland Neueder
English to Italian by Guillaume Dargaud
English to Russian by Paulina Varchavskaia
English to Australian by Keith Hoek

Can you help?

If you'd be willing to translate into a language I don't have yet, please email me.