This is the story of a route at the Gunks named Jean, rated 5.9 because the 10c roof is so very short. Jean is typically climbed in four phases.

In Phase I, the 5.9 leader climbs up to the roof wherein he encounters THE THING. THE THING used to be a Lowe Ball, or at least some sort of ball nut, though there are some who contend that it used to be an Alien. Either way, nothing is left of its original form but a twisted skeleton and enough essence of color to feel that, whatever it may once have been, it was once blue. The 5.9 leader clips it because, however you may feel about THE THING, it's in exactly the spot where one would like to imagine being caught if one fell. Naturally, he backs it up. He then pulls over the roof far enough to see that the route apparently ends below the roof. There are no holds up there. He downclimbs to the rest stance and Phase I is over.

In Phase II, the 5.9 leader makes multiple round trips from the rest stance to that spot just over the roof from which it is so glaringly obvious that one can't go on. On each trip, he adds a backup piece. In my experience, the maximum number of pieces that a leader will place from the same stance is four. Three pieces is an anchor. Four pieces mid-route is clearly excessive. Five pieces might set some sort of record which would be reported to Climbing Magazine or at least Gunks.com, branding one forever as a sport-climbing coward who can't pull a move without a bolt at his waist. Thus once the four-piece max has been reached (three backup pieces plus THE THING) phase II ends.

In Phase III, the 5.9 leader wearies of the six foot downclimb to the mediocre rest stance and starts hanging on his gear instead. This inspires enough confidence for him to actually fall on the gear, which fall turns out to be exactly 6 inches long including rope stretch. The duration of Phase III varies by stubbornness but anyone who manages to dislodge THE THING should consider that Phase III is over.

In Phase IV, the 5.9 leader's partner goes up and finishes the route. It is therefore critical to secure the services of a 5.10c leader before starting up in the first place. Anyone who fails in this regard is required to lower off THE THING and may God have mercy on his soul.

In December, 2001 we discovered that the original blue THING had disappeared and that a brand new shiny red Lowe Ball appeared in its place. Although this does temporarily change the nature of the route, I have faith that in time the shiny new Lowe Ball will become an unrecognizable THING with only enough essence of color to suggest that, whatever it once was, it was once red.