Saturday was cold but clear and still. Steven, Todd and I started with Maria Direct (5.9). This was my third attempt at the route. And I don’t mean leading it. I mean trying to get up it at all, in any style. The thin, reachy move near the ground has always stumped me. The only time I’ve been higher than that move is when I used a draw as an extra hold.

The last time we were on it, at the end of the day, Todd found what he claimed was a better way to do the move. At that time I was too frustrated with the route to try again, but on Saturday he led the route using his “new” way and I found myself following it easily. Perhaps this route really is 5.9. I always thought it was 5.11.

It was a nemesis kind of day with me because after Maria Direct we moved over to Jean, another 5.9 I’ve never been able to pull, even on top-rope. The crux on Jean involves long, thin moves over a roof. I came close to doing it once but it had just started to rain and the holds over the roof were wet in addition to being small and a long ways away.

Todd on a nice winter day at the Gunks.

Todd was still fiddling around on Maria Redirect (5.11), which he can do but I can’t. Steven didn’t feel like leading Jean, and I was impatient. So, what the hell. I decided to try to lead it myself even though I probably couldn’t even climb it.

Todd on Maria Redirect (5.11)

And no, I couldn’t climb it. Steven finally got over the roof on top-rope (Jean is a nemesis from his more distant past) but I never got over it at all. But I did go up and come down safely. I even took a short lead fall on a last-gasp attempt to get over the roof. Lead falls have become pretty impossible for me these days. I just can’t bring myself to commit to any move I don’t feel confident of doing. Even at Potrero Chico, climbing on bolts, I twice found myself grabbing draws rather than risk a fall.

There was a time when I would have been upset about backing off a lead like that (Todd finished it for me), but not anymore. Instead, I was pleased. I tackled something I knew I probably couldn’t do but believed I could safely attempt and I attempted it safely. I was calm and in control the whole way. I protected the crux so well that Steven only felt compelled to add one piece when he went up to try to lead it. I even forced myself to take the perfectly safe two foot fall that awaited me if I blew the move. All in all, it was a pretty good lead.

Todd finishing my lead on Jean (5.9)

I’d still like to get over that roof someday though.

see Jean: The Life-Cycle of a Route for more on leading Jean.