In Whiskey Mike’s parlance, I “tried” to lead Doublissima on Saturday. Mike’s ethics preclude the use of the word “led” to describe an unclean ascent, and my ascent of Doubleissima was certainly not clean. Even by my generous standards, it was a poor attempt. But as I always rejoin: if I didn’t lead it, how did the rope get up there?

I think Mike only takes an interest in my ethics now because I’m breaking into the 10s, but I’ve been pushing past my leading limit from the day I started leading. I fell on my first lead ever (that was onto a bolt) and on my fifth or so lead on gear. I remember when trying to lead Classic that I fell on the first pin so many times I was afraid Steven was going to make me come down. And on City Lights alone I’ve taken more falls and done more whining than most people manage to wrack up in a whole career.

Back in 2001, I gave an account of what was already, by then, my long history with City Lights. I mentioned how I hated it for the hard start which I never did the same way twice. I grumbled about the bad anchor and about how Todd always tried to get me to run the pitches together. I complained about being run out and running out of slings. I used to hate that route.

Last weekend I led City Lights towards the end of the day because we were tired and pumped and looking to do something long and easy. I climbed past the now-bolted anchor at mid-cliff without even considering stopping. Running up to the top of City Lights in one pitch is now one of my favorite strolls at the Gunks. Though I’m going to admit that I’ve still never learned to love that start.

I don’t know if I’d have got here where am I, which is making a godawful mess of Doubleissima, if I hadn’t been willing, always, to make a godawful mess of City Lights. And then Trapped Like a Rat and then Jean and then Retribution. I learned some things doing Doubleissima yesterday and the next time I’m on it, I’ll do a better job. But I still won’t get it clean. That’s a few attempts down the road.

And the day when doing Doubleissima in one long pitch to the GT ledge is one of my favorite strolls at the Gunks? Maybe that’s never. But I’m going to keep heading in that direction and I’m going to do it by doing it badly, over and over, until I do it well. I’m going to keep engaging, not saving, the routes at the Gunks. I’m going to keep “trying” to lead them. I give myself points for stepping up. For the long fall I took, I add points; I don’t subtract them. And for going back up there and doing those same moves again after the fall, I give myself a perfect score.

Walking out, I said to Todd how far I’d come, from hanging and whining on City Lights to hanging and whining on Doubleissima, and he said it was probably about half a mile. ;->

Retribution, 10b (Todd)
Lower Eaves, 5.9 (Dawn)
Stirrup Trouble, 5.10 (Todd)
Doubleissima, 5.10 (P1 & 2: Dawn)