I had been saying and saying (and saying and saying) that I wanted my first lead of the season to be smooth and easy. No fear, no falling, no whining, no hanging, no backing off. So why the hell am I racking up for my old nemesis City Lights? After I finally led it cleanly last season I vowed to never go near the thing again. It’s not just the hideous 5.10 crux right off the deck; it’s the runnout 5.6 above the crux to the first belay. I hate this stinking route.

So here I am, one piece in (one piece! I’m feeling brave), stepping up and stepping down, just knowing that I’m going to have to either back off or fall. I thought I remembered how to do this move but I didn’t remember it being so tenuous, which is why I hate this route.

As usual, I’m pelted with beta.

“Try this,” says Todd.

“I do it this way,” says the woman racking up to lead Pas de Deux.

“That’s not how I do it,” says her partner.

“I know how to do it,” I mutter.

At least I learned one thing last year. I learned that I can go up and down without falling. I can try to do it. Each attempt brings me closer and then bam! I’ve got it.

“Hey! I wasn’t looking,” the woman next door says.

“I did it a totally different way,” I tell her. It’s my theory that you get style points deducted for doing the City Lights crux the same way twice or for using any method previously used by any human being at any point in history. It’s like a parlor game.

Then I’m dashing up the runout stuff above, remembering why else I hate this route. And then I’m nearly at the belay and Todd is yelling at me to go for the top, which is another reason I hate this route because he always wants me to go for the top which means being run out due to both lack of protection opportunities and a dwindling number of slings.

“The hell with him,” I think and then I get to the belay and remember that I also hate this route because the belay is crap, especially if you’re trying to share it with someone else which you always are. And so I go for the top.

At the top I remember that I also hate this route because the belay at the top is also crap, especially if you’re trying to share it with someone else which you always are. Oh well, at least I have the dead tree all to myself. The other leader hasn’t clipped it – the fool!

While I’m at the top fiddling in a nut behind a flake that certainly won’t hold, Todd is on the ground trying to reason with the next party.

“Wow! Is that the first belay?”

“No, she’s on top.”

“She can’t be on top, dude!”

“Trust me; she’s on top.”

Finally I’m off belay (thank God for the dead tree) and he’s on belay and climbing. It’s a beautiful view from this ledge and beautiful day to be on it. But I still hate this route.